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Elliot Parker


i’ve just spent 12 hours travelling to inverkeithing and sophie isn’t even here yet. i’m breaking up with her

what i thought was a deer turned out to be a cow’s ass

one hour to go guys only one hour. my ass is bruised

god bless my bladder. i haven’t peed since 7am and i still don’t need a wee

just saw a sign that read “keep your distance”. keep my distance from what??? the cars in front??? newcastle??? that shadowy figure floating in the sky screaming “you’re next”???

who the fuck is eating a fart sandwich and why are they eating it on my coach

i love migraines and 9 hour coach journeys

hahahHAHAHAHA the colours thing is happening i am getting a migraine beAUTIFUL. i have no painkillers.

not even kidding like i slept in these clothes last night and then forgot to put on deodorant and spent an hour on tubes getting to victoria… like fuck… i changed my top on the coach bcos i smelled so bad

if i’m really lucky people will look at my disgusting sweaty existence and not want to sit next to me

i’m on the coach!!! in 10 and a half hours i’m gonna be with ma babe

i made the ridiculous decision to stay up super late playing video games with jay and now i’ve gotta travel into central to catch my coach on about 4 hours sleep lol whyyyy

pushsluppy ye i’m fine :’) it’s bcos it’s one of those ridiculous trains where u gotta open the window go reach for the handle outside the door and then throw ur entire body against it to get it to actually open lmao it was my first time nd i guess i got a bit too into it. didn’t like fall properly, looked like i just jumped very enthusiastically

hahahaha i just fell out of the train when i opened the door

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